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this is the reason you're alone [entries|friends|calendar]
I am all you've ever wanted.

[ website | my deadjournal (it's the same) ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

(7 admit to the truth | we are entirely smooth)

[13 Oct 2003|09:43pm]

add me on there and i'll add you back.

(2 admit to the truth | we are entirely smooth)

[13 Oct 2003|09:28pm]
i got a new journal. this one is now for private entries

add me and i will most likely add you back.


(2 admit to the truth | we are entirely smooth)

i finally have an audience to ignore me [12 Oct 2003|10:28pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

i can yell all i want, but you still, still can't hear me.

oh my god New Found Glory still rocks.

i want someone to like me in a "mushy" way

(4 admit to the truth | we are entirely smooth)

[12 Oct 2003|04:03pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]

i want to become mute.

i just want things how they were...is that so bad?

"you never looked as lost as this
sometimes it doesn't even look like you"

(we are entirely smooth)

Is something wrong? [12 Oct 2003|01:50pm]
just don't worry about it. i know you don't care anyway.

(this is only aimed towards one person, so if anyone else is reading this, it's probably not about you).

(we are entirely smooth)

I'm not bitter anyway [12 Oct 2003|12:14pm]
[ mood | sad ]

but I didn't want it to turn out this way

(5 admit to the truth | we are entirely smooth)

[11 Oct 2003|04:58pm]
[ mood | sad ]

i want my phone to ring again. and i want you to still be the one calling

(we are entirely smooth)

[11 Oct 2003|04:09pm]
[ mood | tired ]

well, the show last night was pretty okay. i like the end. gimp was pretty good, but the sound kept messing up. and ben and his friend danced around like maniacs. they did part of 43% Burnt, which was so so so soo weird.

and i was outside for the young. and in the bathroom.

and so i say goodbye, or should i say hearts over rome, er soemthing like that, was pretty good. ben got down to his boxers. um...yeah. haha<3

and the beach was okay. too fucking tired have wanted to stay that long. met some cool kids, though.

(13 admit to the truth | we are entirely smooth)

[11 Oct 2003|04:02pm]
I went fucking crazy last night. and I feel like i've lost a part of myself.

thank you to ally for being so caring in the bathroom. comforting someone you're not very close with shows just how fucking amazing i KNOW you are.

and thank you to kelly perry for loving me while walking back to the beach

and thank you to ceren for telling me when i do stupid things, and for putting me back in line

and thanks to dustin for trying to protect me.

and thank you to felicia for being there for me today.

and to ates for driving me everywhere, always.

and to ashley for being SO fucking cute.

and to everyone else last night for being nice to me.

kristyn is a very cool girl. and we talked last night. and i'm glad i'm getting to know her, because i think if i talked with her more i would like her a lot.

but YOU, YOU were too fucking busy for me. and that hurt me a lot. you knew i was upset, but you brushed it off. i can tell you don't care anymore.

(3 admit to the truth | we are entirely smooth)

what's cooler than being cool? [09 Oct 2003|10:04pm]
[ mood | amused ]


oh my god how good is outkast?

and i feel terrible for making that person have such a hard time right now. god i can't believe i did that to you. i'm so sorry.

had a good ol' conversation with carla today. haven't seen her in like, half a year. oh that girl.

and i'm such a dumbass. i don't understand ANYTHING in chemistry OR geometry. I'm going to die next year when I can't get help from my brother every day.

and kelly perry just sent like, the sweetest texts to me EVER. and i'm so emo that i'm about to cry.

i embarrassed ceren at lunch, and now i feel super duper duper bad :(. i'm sorry my love<3

(1 admit to the truth | we are entirely smooth)

[08 Oct 2003|10:02pm]
[ mood | bored ]

had a crazy night last night. went crazy. thank you brian for texting with me and making me feel a bit better.

today was pretty sad and boring until the end of the school day which was....interesting.

i had drama club today. and that was okay, except i can't sing for crap compared to everyone else.

i have no clue what to say right now. i shouldn't be updating.

(10 admit to the truth | we are entirely smooth)

[07 Oct 2003|08:31pm]
[ mood | gloomy ]

i'm just sick of everything. i know i have no right to complain since i have anything anyone could ask for, but lately i just haven't felt myself. i mean, sure, sometimes i'm okay, but 80% of the time recently i've been faking it, because i can't not act normally on the outside.

the only thing that has been helping recently are my friends. thank you to those of you who actually care, and don't just pretend. i love you.

(we are entirely smooth)

how it feels to be alone and not believe in anything: [07 Oct 2003|01:13pm]
[ mood | in pain ]

I'm in utter pain because of my acne. my face just like, throbs and aches without me even touching it. i had such a hard time trying to go sleep last night because of it. i had to take asprin to help me fall asleep.

and all i can think about is my dad telling me i'm "deceteful" and "manipulative" this summer. god i wish i could say it wasn't true.

(3 admit to the truth | we are entirely smooth)

[06 Oct 2003|09:34pm]
i want to me something to someone. anything to anyone.

(5 admit to the truth | we are entirely smooth)

i highly doubt anyone will want to read this crap [06 Oct 2003|09:02pm]
[ mood | blah ]

I'm sorry, but I am beginning to hate myself. Things are just sinking in. Things that I do and have done that just make me realize how much of a total jackass I am. And I apologize for that. I'm an intruder, and interrupter, and ruiner of fun.

and every new person i meet, just give me the strangest looks. like they could see something horrible that i couldn't. don't worry, it's beginning to appear to me.

and i'm just sitting here, longing for any sort of love. not just the kinds that keep occuring in dreams with different people i call my friends. i want something real with someone real. i don't even know who yet. i hope i find out pretty soon.

and my Trich is going haywire again. my eyebrows look ridiculous, and i can't help myself. i think have bald spots on the top of my head again. please don't hate me for this.

and why the fuck do i always end up crying when i write stuff in this thing. i don't even have anything to cry about. i'm just a pussy.

and you said the one line last night that made me want to scream at the top of my lungs. you reminded me of my father. for a moment there, i wanted to attack you. but it's not your fault. you didn't try to. you didn't want to make me momentarily hate you.

i parted my hair on the other side today. i guess i want a change in my look. maybe i'm trying to hide my face, or myself even more.

and i'm beginning to slack. doing half of my homework then telling my dad i'm done. i did all of the classes i have before lunch, so hopefully i will finish the rest at lunch. most likely not, though.

and everyone leads such interesting lives, and don't really know what they want. they just float around, doing cool things and meeting cool people; but me, i KNOW the things i want, and i try so hard to get them, and i never ever EVER do. maybe i'm trying too hard, but that's all i know how to do.

and i kinda just let things fade away. i let them slip into the shadows, and just forget about them until they appear again. that's not a good thing.

and my room is a mess. i just can't clean it. i have no time anymore, and my mom has been on my back about it. she won't be happy to find out i didn't do it today. the only time i could do it is right now, and i can't. i need to relax and not worry about stuff right now. i'm sure livejournal is really helping with that. yeah fucking right.

i sent maggie her letter a little while back, so now i'm waiting for one from her.

nothing hurts more than cutting the back of your knee, or the inside of your elbow. it just stings so fucking bad.

i'm in such a blah mood that it's disgusting. i just want to get excited or look forward to something.

(3 admit to the truth | we are entirely smooth)

[05 Oct 2003|09:33pm]
fizzuck, bizatch.

(1 admit to the truth | we are entirely smooth)

[05 Oct 2003|03:01pm]
everything fun happens when i'm not around. oh please someone entertain me tonight.

(we are entirely smooth)

[04 Oct 2003|11:43pm]
[ mood | amused ]

i love anonymous posters :)

(29 admit to the truth | we are entirely smooth)

more pics of me...i know you want them. [04 Oct 2003|09:50pm]
[ mood | dorky ]

i'm so vain. bleh.Collapse )

(1 admit to the truth | we are entirely smooth)

more. [04 Oct 2003|09:40pm]
[ mood | amused ]

look! i have friends!Collapse )

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